Deborah!!

Yay!!! my friend Deborah just started a blog. She is so fun. I am looking forward to reading what she has to say! If ya want to read about her here is the link
Just Luckie Me

Feelings Part2

"How excellent is thy lovingkindness, O God! therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of thy wings."
Psalms 36:7

"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."
John 16:33

"The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; The God of my rock; in Him will I trust."
2 Samuel 22:2-3

"..... Neither death, nor life,....Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God...."
Romans 8:38-39

" I will sing unto the Lord, because He hath dealt bountifully with me."
Psalm 13:6

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
Hebrews 4:16

It was July of 1987, and I was a couple of months away from turning 7. We started to attend our new church. Things were going good (or so I thought I didn't know any better) this was the only thing I knew, so everything I heard I took to heart. I was young and impressionable. I would have never thought at that point that something could go wrong or that anything was slightly out of balance or in the least bit untruthful.

My parents were saved when I was about 2 years old. I thank God for his love and for him reaching my parents out of their current life that was going down hill quickly, and pouring into their life and giving them hope.

My parents Love the Lord with all their hearts and were trying to do the best job possible at raising us to love the Lord too. They were a great example of putting the Lord first in their lives and leading us to do righteous things and make Godly decisions. They taught us from the very beginning to seek the Lord when making a decisions, they taught us to be responsible and take responsibilities for our own actions. They taught us forgiveness, and repentance by example. They always encouraged us to keep going when it seemed as though it was too hard to. This was a lifestyle to them, not a religion. They taught us to trust the Lord and that when things go bad to know that he will turn things around for the good. They were an example of love and grace. These are fruits that remain evident even today. Galatians 5:16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. Galatians 5:22&23 But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: Against such there is no law. These scriptures are great examples of my parents and their walk with the Lord and the fruit that follows.

The reason for such history is to explain that in my parents desire to serve God and do what was right by their children, they trusted in the advice and the council that they were given. They trusted that they were getting proper and Godly council, so by no means do I feel that at anytime were my parents to blame in anything that had taken place and the rules and guidance that were maybe a bit controlling and ungodly. There hearts were right before the Lord and I am thankful that they tried there best to give us what we needed. I learned so much from their faithfulness and loyalty to God.

They enemy comes in very sutble and almost appears to be something that could be "God" Any of us can be manipulated by him if we aren't extremely careful. He can especially get in there and take control when we have open the door for him with even the smallest sin (remember there is no greater sin than another so when we think oh its just a little sin no big deal god will deal b/c my heart is right..... That is the first sign that things are gonna go down hill fast) My old Pastor seemed to be a bit on the controlling side and was very involved with his congregations lives to the point of which it seemed improper. There were very personal things that went on in our lives that our parents were responsible to council us and help us and love us and pray for us, and things of that nature but the pastor had always said that it wasn't right to keep those things to the family that he needed to know about them and his leaders needed to deal with the situations b/c my parents weren't capable of taking care of it that their judgment was clouded by the fact that we were their kids. This was not just towards our family this was the whole church who was to answer to the Pastor for everything. We couldn't go on vacation unless he approved it and knew where we were and we couldn't miss church so we could never go for a week at a time we had to leave like after church on Sunday and be back by Friday so we were home for church the next weekend. There were all kinds of rules that just seemed to, after a while, makes us start to think that things were a bit out of order.-----NOW don't get me wrong. I am not saying I think we should all be just a "free spirit" or anything, I do believe God sets people (pastors leaders etc.) in our lives to help guide us. We need them. WE should never be loners. I just think that you can go to far and that nobody should have complete control in and over your life. There should also not be fear when it comes to trusting or submitting yourselves to a leader or pastor. There should be a sense of peace and freedom.----- It got worse over the years. At first anytime you would have an opinion about something or maybe not agree with something that was said we were yelled at and told that is was not God how we were thinking and feeling and that we needed to fast and pray and get our hearts right... And so on and so forth. It got to a place where we made no decisions and didn't get to think for ourselves we had to nod and agree with the Pastor b/c he was the only one who could hear from God and the only one who knew what was right for us and our family. David and I didn't even get to pick our own wedding date. He said that he needed to hear from God and pick our date. It was very weird but we were always taught to submit. That was the guilt trip he used all the time to get us to agree and listen. We were always told that if we left the church and went somewhere else that we wouldn't be blessed and all the years that we sowed into that house would be wasted and God wouldn't honor that b/c God doesn't want any of us to leave. We were also told that the prophecies that were spoken over our lives would never come to pass. It was things like that, that over the years began to ring in our ears as truth and we didn't know anymore how to hear from God for ourselves we were scared to have our on feelings on things or to have a different revelation on something. We were beating ourselves up for thinking that things were out of order and that we needed to go. WE were told that is was the devil speaking lies to us. Well.......

I know I have spoke of all the horrible things (which right now while I am hurt seem to be the only thing that sticks out), but as a practice I am making myself remember the good things that came from the experience. It wasn't all wasted although it feels like that sometimes. The truth is We didn't know that it was out of order, but our hearts were to serve the Lord so we did what we thought were the right things to do. There were a lot staple lessons that I learned from the church and before things got really bad the Lord really showed up and his anointing was there. His presence was there and that was when my spirit learned and soared. I am thankful for the Lord's faithfulness to those who truly gather in his name to praise and worship him. He never let us down. I love the Lord with my whole heart. He is the great healer, and he is mending and healing my heart. Having a revelation of the cross and what he has done for us, by sacrificing his son (which as a mother is now even more real to me what type of sacrifice he really made) makes it easy to look at the things that happened and still praise him for he is above all, and I know he was there. He is mighty and strong, I hide in the shadow of his wings were I find peace. He is everything to me. When I worship him (which is something I learned to do in that church) with my whole heart and get lost in that realm where it is just me and him and I am singing love songs to him and he is singing them back to me, then all things become as shadows in the light of him. Everything I did or didn't go through was all something that will work to the good b/c I love the Lord and I am called according to his purposes. Well that was my encouragement to myself and also spoken from my heart.

Thanks for listening again guys:)

Till Later.........

Pretty things....

I just wanted to post some pictures that I think are so pretty....
I was in the mood to look at some pretty things

Opportunity and Hawaii.....

We have an opportunity to move to Hawaii for about 4 years. Yes I know, how awesome is that! We have been thinking about it for weeks now. I think we are leaning towards no, but the thought that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity keeps playing over and over in my mind.

In order to go we would have to sell the house we just bought, sell our cars or at least 2 out of the three b/c it is too expensive to have them shipped to us, we would have to sell all the furniture and things like that, or pay for it to be put in storage. Our whole life as we know it would change just for a couple of years. I think it would be fun but not sure if it is practical. Not to mention we don't seem to be getting a yes or no from the Lord on it. So we aren't sure what we should do. It is very expensive to live in Hawaii, the cost of living is very much higher than here in Virginia. To get a house over there the size I have now is pretty hard to come by without shelling out a million dollars for the home. No, we don't need a house this big for it just being temporary I am willing to work with whatever. There are so many reasons why I shouldn't go, but I really want a reason or a couple of reasons why I should go. I want the opportunity to be something we can take.

Some of the reasons why we shouldn't is b/c we just bought this house and we got blessed by being able to pay for most of it cash so we would be loosing some money over it plus we wouldn't have that opportunity to get a deal like that when we get back, but then I think what if we go and then we get a better opportunity when we get back or maybe we aren't suppose to come back. We know God has called us to Pastor a church at some point so maybe it will be over there???? Who knows, so many questions... Another reason why it seems we shouldn't is I just started a business here, although it wouldn't cost me extra to stop and start selling the stuff there so I guess that really isn't an issue except I would have to try and get to know people really fast. Also we just hired someone to come and help me with the kids a couple of times a week so then we would have to let her go in a couple of months from now.

But think of the great things that could come of this. My kids would be able to grow up experiencing something other than Virginia, how exciting I never got to do that plus we could have a baby over there and that would be an awesome experience. David would get a great career opportunity from this and he would definitely learn and grow from this, it would look great on his resume'........ AH!!!! So many pro's and con's can't decide.

If anybody has been to Hawaii and or lived there at some point please if you have any info that might be helpful I would greatly appreciate it:):)

Thanks for listening guys:):)

Outside...

Summer is great for the kids. I hate the heat, but the kids love being outside. They go out in their diapers in the privacy fenced back yard and play there little hearts out they love it. The deck is great b/c we have it gated off so the baby is able to crawl around and stuff. We just put some toys out there and I will find a nice place in the shade and sit and play with the baby and the kids run and play ball (and of course I play with them too:):):) The kids especially love the pool we just bought. However, they don't always get to play in it b/c I need to be right there with them to do so, and with the baby and all it doesn't always work out:( They are good about being patient though.

I like the little break in the day that outside play brings. It makes it so much easier for us to make through with out alot of frustrations and bordem. :):)

In Loving Memory.....

Here is the only picture of Steve Quinn that I have I hope to get some more so I can post them. For those who don't know, Steve is Desiree's father, he went home to be with the Lord a little over a year ago. I would like to honor him today. I know you miss him Dez. We miss him too. He would have loved to been here to see his daughter and grandchildren:) What a beautiful family God blessed him with while he was here. He continues to be a happy memory in our hearts and minds. Thank you God for his time here and the time we were able to spend with him.

Happy Father's Day!!

Jeremiah, Dezi, Mikey and Daveigh we love you!



If anyone has pictures of Steve they would like me to Post please send me an e-mail with them attached.

Happy Father's Day!!!!!!

Feelings...

I really would like to write some of my feelings in my blog, but everytime I go to write I get frustrated and delete it. I guess that is kinda how I have been feeling. I wish I could just not think about everything I have been keeping inside. I wish I could just delete my feelings. I know I have to get it out and let the Lord heal me. I will I just need time I guess. Maybe. I need to stop caring so much what people will think of me when I tell them how weak I really am. I know it is very healing to get your feelings out but it also hurts some too. I think I will make my self write every couple of days at least something about what's been going on in my heart. Maybe if I just do a little at a time I won't feel so overwhelmed and I can deal with it in small doses. God has been wanting to get in there and touch me, but I can't seem to open myself up to him. I am having trouble opening up to anyone. I have shut down since we left our church over 15 months ago. We left b/c things were getting out of hand and the Lord said to go. We were releaved but at the same time the things that took place there left a hole in my heart. I quickly put a wall around it and now can't seem to reach in there and feel again. I guess I can't really write about my feelings b/c I don't know what they really are. I was just so hurt by all of it I think I can't be open anymore. I find myself cold in most areas where there once was compassion and mercy. I am afraid. I don't want to be hurt like that ever again.


I will write more later......

Best day ever!!!

I was reading my friend Ashleigh's blog today, and it made me think about my wedding. So I began looking through the photos and thought I would share some of my favorites:):)

Favorite Time of the Day!

My kids favorite time of the day is "Bath Time". Molly seems to enjoy it too. Here are some pictures:)

Blessings...

I love having my boys to raise. They are a blast. Each one is so unique and has such a different personality. I have fun watching, and learning the way each one explores and finds their place. Smiles, and the happiness of my children is all the blessing I need or want. I thank God everyday for them, and the opportunity to have them in my life.

What a precious gift us parents have been given. We are honored that God has allowed David and I to be the ones to pour into these boys lives for a season as they grow, and learn. We pray that every decision and every bit of encouragement and correction that we give will be in love and with the Lord's guidance. We need the Lord to give us grace, strength, and wisdom in guiding these tiny hearts and molding them into Godly adults who fear, and honor our God. He gives us everything we need to accomplish the task set before us but we are responsible to pick it up everyday and to seek him with every decision we make.

Children are such a blessing.

P.S. (I think I want another one:):):)!!!)

Errands

Today was a long one. We left the house by 9:30am and headed out on our adventure. It started with a stop by the Cingular store. I have been having trouble for a long time with some of my phone accessories and.... well, lets just save all that for another blog:):). Then off to the favorite, Target!! yay! this time I only exchanged something so no shopping spree:(. Then we ran over to the mall, we had more exchanges to do. The kids had fun there though, we let them ride the little rides, you know the ones that take quarters (it used to be just one quarter when I was little I can't believe they charge a dollar now. Whew!). By this time the kids have been excellent but we fear they will get hungry and tired soon so we rush off to Comp USA (playland for David) we actually did that fast as well (I am proud of you hunny:):)!!) Anyway, now we are in the cranky mode for the kids so we rush real quick to grab dog food, and off to McDonald's for the kids. They deserved a break (mommy did too but, such is life:):) So after Mcd's we were trying to decide if it would be more helpful to take the kids back home, let them nap, and then head back out to do our Sam's run, and Farm Fresh run. Hmmm, I think we decided the nap would be best, so around 2 I think it was, we headed for home. I wish I could say the day was over then but it really wasn't. The biggest errand of them all was to come. Grocery Shopping!! Yikes!! It is fun when you get to go alone and you already have your fridge cleaned out and the pantry ready for new stuff. Mine wasn't. So around 5pm we headed back out. It was successful and we had everyone home and in bed and the groceries unloaded and put away by 930pm. Not bad for being really sick, having no voice left (don't know why must be the virus), and having the three boys with us (who by the way are just getting over the virus they gave to mommy:):) So they could have been a tad cranky but they weren't. My kids were excellent I am so proud of them.

So here I am at 10pm and ready to go to bed. That is earlier then when I don't have anything to do. :):) It has been a productive day and I am proud of my family for sticking with it and getting it done:). However, the whole being sick thing is still lingering so needless to say, I am pooped! I am off to bed, so I can be ready for church tomorrow. I am excited. I love our new church.

Till next time.

:):):)

Whew! Its over. I finally had my training show. I am so happy things went so well. I am a bit nervous as well b/c from here on out I don't have my sponsors help at the shows. I have to do it all on my own:):). "I can do it" seems to be the phrase that I keep whispering to myself. I don't know why I work myself up so much. I am the most comfortable talking to people. I love sharing things with people and don't really have anxieties about speaking in front of others. So anyway, I don't know why I am so nervous about this. I'll hopefully get over it soon.

Last nights show was great. Everyone had a good time they all were laughing, and they seemed to like the jewelry alot. I appreciate everyone who came it was so nice to have the support of the family.:):)

Well, Its late and I am off to do get some stuff done.

Nanny

David and I hired a nanny today. We are excited. I will finally be able to take my kids to the park and actually play with them versus pull my hair out trying to take care of the baby and chase the two older ones as they run in two different directions.

Charlotte (our nanny) is going to be part time for now, Mon 830-530, tues 830-530, and wed 8-12, we will hopefully bring her on full time by September. I may not need full time though, so we are suppose to play it by ear. She was my kids pre-school teacher at Kinder Care, but she was so wonderful I snagged her up. Actually we have been thinking and praying about hiring one for a while, we started the kids part time three mornings a week in a preschool program till we decided what to do. She was their teacher and she was absolutely wonderful and my kids adored her. I teased a couple times about her coming to work for me and she would laugh, but eventually she took me serious and things went from there. I am blessed to have gotten to know the nanny before I hired her and I actually got to see how my children responded to her.

We really needed someone to help out. I really appreciate my husband in realizing the help I needed. I would love to say that I am the perfect mother but I am not. I find it to be pretty difficult to care for the baby and be able to play with each toddler as much as they need. I find myself fighting within, trying to decide which one is getting my attention first. Besides the fact that my house and my laundry and just myself is completely ignored or unable to be tended to. I know it sounds like I should be able to do it but I can't and I am so hard on myself about it. David just said until they get a little older or at least out of diapers:):) we should get someone to help. I love him for that. Anyway, I will keep everyone posted on how things are working out. I am so relieved and looking forward to more time spent with my babies and not just simply taking care of their needs.