Feelings...

I really would like to write some of my feelings in my blog, but everytime I go to write I get frustrated and delete it. I guess that is kinda how I have been feeling. I wish I could just not think about everything I have been keeping inside. I wish I could just delete my feelings. I know I have to get it out and let the Lord heal me. I will I just need time I guess. Maybe. I need to stop caring so much what people will think of me when I tell them how weak I really am. I know it is very healing to get your feelings out but it also hurts some too. I think I will make my self write every couple of days at least something about what's been going on in my heart. Maybe if I just do a little at a time I won't feel so overwhelmed and I can deal with it in small doses. God has been wanting to get in there and touch me, but I can't seem to open myself up to him. I am having trouble opening up to anyone. I have shut down since we left our church over 15 months ago. We left b/c things were getting out of hand and the Lord said to go. We were releaved but at the same time the things that took place there left a hole in my heart. I quickly put a wall around it and now can't seem to reach in there and feel again. I guess I can't really write about my feelings b/c I don't know what they really are. I was just so hurt by all of it I think I can't be open anymore. I find myself cold in most areas where there once was compassion and mercy. I am afraid. I don't want to be hurt like that ever again.


I will write more later......